lørdag den 27. juni 2015

Dare to begin! x

As the calender changes from June to July the date is moving closer and closer to it being 6 months since my whole life turned around and everything went downhill and it seemed all of a sudden like my life was the most turbulent rollercoaster of all time.

Back story...

It was the month of March last year (2014) and I was finishing up High School, studying to get ready for all of my exams in May and June. It was an exciting time trying to create all the final memories of being at school and going to prom. Since I was 12 years old the  school system had been demanding me to try and figure out what I wanted to do with my life, which on one side is fair enough considering the importance of that choice. On the other side it was the most stressful and pressuring choice every kid has to make, and I for one wanted to dodge that question for as long as possible. But there I was - a senior getting ready to graduate, and for all I knew my life was going to "end" as soon as I got my graduation hat on, because I didn't know what I wanted to do after the summer break.

One day I was sitting at home, browsing facebook when an ad came on for becoming an aupair. My mom was an aupair for a year when she finished High School and so was my aunt. I had thought of it before, but because I have my own horse I hadn't seriously considered it. Over the course of the following weeks I kept coming back to the idea of becoming an aupair and started to read more into the program. At that point I got more and more excited and just really wanted to go. So I applied, got someone to look after my horse and found a hostfamily in Massachusetts set to leave in August. To finally have a plan was the biggest relief.

On August 11th I had said goodbye to my family, friends, horse and dog (of course), and went up the escalator in the airport, turning around the corner not expecting to see people so dear to me for a whole year.

I arrived and everything was exciting, overwhelming, crazy, fun, tiring and amazing. I learned so much, and fully enjoyed every second of it (even the sad/bad parts). I was travelling with an organisation so it was relitively easy to get in contact with other aupairs, and I very quickly formed some close friendships, that I know will stay with me for the rest of my life. With this organisation there were aupair meetings every single month like going to a cafe, kayaking or other fun activites with all of the other aupairs in the area.

On January 11th 2015 we had a meeting in Boston Common to go skating of Frog pond. I had only tried to skate once before (which was an embarrasing disaster) and wasn't really up for giving it another go. My friends were going to do it, and I decided to let go and just try. I thought the worst that could happen was just me falling on my butt again. And it actually went alright for a period. My friend from Colombia who had also only recently learned how to skate helped me around yelling>    "you're an airplane" so that I would stick my arms out to hold my balance, which must have been quite a fun sight as well as me falling every now and again.

As it was almost time to get off the ice so we could go get some lunch, me and my friend decided to just do a couple a more rounds. I got a little bit cocky so I yelled: "just one more round". 3/4 of the way I lost my balance and on the way down I could feel and hear my left ancle snapping. I was 5000 km away from home, laying in an ice rink in Boston and I knew I had broken my left leg. With all the panic rushing through I don't think I actually felt the pain as bad as it was - not until I made it to the hospital at least. I spent 7 hours in the hospital, supported by the greatest group of girls I could have wanted in that situation, they didn't leave me and tried to comfort me as best they could. Those hours in the hospital were honestly the scariest hours of my life, and that moment I really needed my mom and she was all the way back in Denmark.

The docters put a caste on my leg and told me to come back in a week for a check-up. However there was nothing I wanted more than to go home and have my leg checked by a danish doctor. Not because the American doctors weren't well-trained, but for someone who does speak fluent english, I did not understand what they were telling me at the hospital. I was scared and panicking, so my brain was focusing on that and not translating English medical talk into Danish. I told my hostmom that I really wanted to go home to have it looked after and she immediatley started to search for another aupair to take care of the two kids. I was devasted as I was looking so much forward to the next 7 months of my stay and to all the memories I was going to make with everyone. I couldn't work for at least 6 weeks, and the aupair programme only allows a leave of 4 weeks, so my time as aupair was over without my permission or acceptance. Almost a week went by, before I got a ticket home (issues with the insurance company), and I was being taken care of by my friend and her host family as I did no longer feel welcome in my own.

I came home feeling more unhappy and sad than ever. I had my checkup the day after I got home, where the danish doctors discovered that besides a broken fibula bone, I had also torn ligaments. So I had a surgery to put in a plate and two screws to support the joint while it was healing.

After 5 days at the hospital I came home. And the last 14 days hit my like shovel in the head. The following weeks were hard, and I felt super depressed, which was a feeling I had always steered clear off. I gained weight because I couldn't really exercise and eating really became a comfort again. I was home alone most of the day as everyone elses lives kept going, while mine completely stood still. 10 weeks of my life felt like a year, and looking back it feels much longer. I had had a plan that was going to be my life for over year, and yet again I found myself with no plan at all, and no idea of what I was going to do. The few ups I had were in the shadow of the deeply lows I had.

Starting to walk and rehabilitating myself has made and is still making a huge difference. I can finally really start losing weight again, and set myself physical and mental goals for my future which is a big relief. I am proud to say that I lived life to the fullest, it hurt me but I got back on my feet again.

All the thinking time by myself in the house did a lot of bad, but also some good. I have a plan again, and the future is looking brighter.